Naughty … Kid Books? Yup.

Do You Want to Play With My Balls

By now I’m sure a lot of you (at least those with kids or friends with kids) have heard of Go the F**k to Sleep, the kid’s book that isn’t actually a kid’s book.

Well, it also seems to have enacted a darling trend:  inappropriate picture books.

These books are NOT for children.

But one thing they ARE good for is a laugh.

Are you a pervert who wants a good giggle?  If tickle torture isn’t your kink, then you may want to check out the book pictured above: Do You Want to Play with My Balls?

This parody could almost be read to an actual child – if you could keep a straight face through lines like, “You’re balls are so big I can’t even fit them in my mouth!”

Would You Like to Play with My Ass

Then there is a series by Gary Galvin including the book pictured above, Would You Like to Play With My Ass?

The rhymes are a bit cloying but I dare you to make it through the entire thing with a straight face.

You can also find similar books for pussies and cocks.  Because perverts like us appreciate variety. 😉

Nobody Likes a Cockblock

Then there’s this adorable number, Nobody Likes a Cockblock.

How can you resist these sweet illustrations paired up with lines like:

“Daddy worked all day long.
He’s tired and lonely.
There’s a small, small, small chance
that your mother might blow me.”

Cute, ain’t it?

Whether you’re a Daddy Dom looking for something to read to your Babygirl or a soccer mom with a dirty mind who needs a break from Dr. Seuss, these inappropriate picture books might be just what you need.

Kisses ~ Keri

Advertisements

May is for Masturbation . . . and Sanitation

may mast month

As I’ve mentioned before, May is National Masturbation Month.

How cool is that, right?  It’s like a national pastime or something . . .  😉

nmm

Anyway, this year I wanted to point out something I find unendingly amusing:  May 5th is World Hand Hygiene Day. 

No, seriously.  Look:

Animated-Logo-Clean-Hands-Count

It’s a real thing.  You can read all about the Clean Hands Count Campaign on the CDC site.

Because hygiene is always important, of course.

And clean hands make for happy masturbating.

Hehehehehehe . . .

giggles.jpg

Remember to celebrate the month with gusto! It’s your national duty.

Kisses ~ Keri

Mistress Bunny

bunny-shirt

So I came across this amazing Dark Bunny T-Shirt from TeeTurtle the other day and the first thing I thought was, “Is she holding a riding crop?”

When I looked closer I saw that wasn’t actually the case, but I can’t seem to un-see the crop.

Super cute shirt, though, either way.

I also do a lot of strange (well, strange is relative) research on my computer, which leads to “strange” things popping up in targeted ads.  Mostly because I’m too lazy to clear my browser history anymore.

But, and I KID YOU NOT, this was next to my Facebook newsfeed today:

bunny-shirt-2

It’s like my computer had a telepathic Freudian slip.

I’ve never felt so in tune with technology.

Oh, and if you’re curious, it was this Jump Bat that Amazon felt would be a good fit for me.  Anyone wanna volunteer to bend over so I can see if they’re right?  😉

Kisses ~ Keri

Kinky Halloween Fun

Is anyone else as excited as I am that Halloween is right around the corner??  Is anyone else getting prepared for some fun??

With a supply of toys ranging from whips to nipple clamps, you can be set for a night to remember… but how do you distinguish Halloween playtime from just another Saturday night?

With Halloween-themed kinky toys, of course!

I don’t know if “cute” is the right word to use here, but I was just giddy when I came across a flogger in Halloween colors recently.  That started me on a search to find more deliciously festive goodies.  😉

Here’s that amazing Halloween Paracord Flogger:

halloween paracord flogger

How can you NOT love a whip that is specifically made in Halloween colors?

And that was the flogger that set me off on a quest to find a whole pile of amazing Halloween toys.  And most of the really cool stuff I found was on Etsy, which just goes to show how creative and talented the kinky community really is.  😉

Another similar option would be this Halloween Flogger that’s black and orange, and rubber tipped too:

halloween flogger

I am also completely crushing on this spectacular Butt Plug Devil Costume:

butt plug devil costume

How can you not feel sexy with this tail following you around all evening?

Nipple Pasties are another fun way to get festive.

And since I have a thing for skulls, I just can’t get over these Sequin Skull Pasties:

skull pasties

If you want something a little more sparkly, try these Pumpkins Pasties with Rhinestones:

pumpkin pasties

Or dress your slave like a pumpkin this year with the help of a Full Body Spandex/Lycra Suit in Orange:

orange bodysuit

Or skip the life-size pumpkin idea and just pair the orange bodysuit with a fancy black Hannibal Lecter Mask:

hannibal lecter mask

Rope Bunnies will adore this Celtic Heart Knot Halloween Necklace made from hemp:

halloween bondage rope bunny necklace

Can you imagine the feel of the hemp against your neck all night?

And if we can jump back to nipples again (no one minds, right??), there are these fun gems of Adjustable Nipple Clamps with Dangling Pumpkin Bells:

18

And this little guy here makes me smile!  Check out the  Demon Vibrating Cock Ring:

demon vibrating cock ring

Now, can we take a moment to appreciate how wonderful your lover would look covered in the drippings of a Blacklight Reactive Candle?  Perhaps in a combo of green and orange?

blacklight reactive drip candles

And speaking of things that glow, don’t forget the Glow-in-the-Dark condoms.  Protect yourself in festive style:

glow in the dark condoms

I hope you enjoyed perusing these kinky toys as much as I did.  😉

kinky halloween adult toys

I would LOVE for you to share with me your ideas for creating a sexy holiday experience!

Happy Kinky Halloween!

Kisses ~ Keri

Save

Save

Save

Celebrate an Evening of Spanking with Coordinating Gifts

This is a fun collection of gifts I recently put together.  Because, sometimes, we just need a little spanking party.

It’s a mostly tongue-in-cheek (heh heh heh … cheek …) collection that can be given as gag gifts but is also functional as well.

Spanking Greeting Card

First, the playful spanking poetry greeting card is reminiscent of sugar sweet traditional love poetry – with a twist:

“Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Just like your bum,
‘Cause a spanking is due.”

It’s a perfect starter for an evening when you want to give your lover a warning … that they’re in for a good time!

The inside text is fully customizable.

Bend Over Spanking Paddle

Next up:  the “Bend Over” Spanking Paddle, which coordinates with the underwear, will make your lover’s eyes go wide. I may not be into ping pong, but I can easily think of a better use for these paddles! 😉

And, technically, for the sake of disclaimers and whatnot, I should say that this is a gag gift and not meant for actual spankings. But if you’ve read my stories you already know I’m a fan of wildly creative spankings, so I’ll leave the fate of these paddles (and the bums in question) up to you….

Anyway, the paddle is made of quality laminated hardwood, with a rubber face on the back and text that is completely customizable on the front, and a strike pad of 6 x 6.25 inches.

Spanked Women's Panties

Finally, to help savor the evening’s spanking(s), you’ll want to slip a reminder right onto your lover’s tender bum.  Which makes these panties just perfect for leaving your mark (again) with an announcement of “SPANKED” on the back and a customizable label of “property of” on the front.

The pair shown here is the white one with red lettering and contrast piping, which is a feminine take on the classic men’s brief.  It even has an authentic fly.

This design is also available with white lettering on the pink, red, or black background on the same style of classic briefs, or with white lettering on teal, pink, red, and black “hot shorts.” 

The female panties are available in sizes S to XL, and be sure to check out the size chart before ordering one for your woman… or your sissy.

Spanked Men's Underwear

Then, there are the also male versions that come in the form of these boxer briefs with white lettering for red and black pairs and black lettering for the white and grey pairs.  These do not have a front opening.

So head on over to my Zazzle Store Kinky Keri to check out the collection, and let me know if you have any special requests!

(You may have to sign into Zazzle to see the fun R-rated stuff, but don’t worry, it’s free to join!)

Have fun!

Kisses ~ Keri

Save

Save

Happy National Masturbation Month!

may mast month.jpg

It’s May!

National Masturbation Month is here!  A time to celebrate… well, something most of us celebrate all year round.

At least, according to this chart, there are a few of us celebrating daily:

may chart

Either way, it’s technically official.  It’s even got it’s own Wikipedia page, albeit a brief one.

You can read a little more about it over at Huffpost’s Worse Than Sex? ‘M’ Is for May and Masturbation Month.

But… did you really need an excuse?  😉

If you did need some help, however, I just can’t resist suggesting Images You Should Not Masturbate To.  Even though, mostly, it’s just good for a laugh.  Or if you’re looking for a conversation coffee table book.

Now please excuse me while I get back to celebrating…..

Kisses ~ Keri

(photo source: 1 and 2)